Friday, July 30, 2010

Change and Derby

“Life is change; it is continuous change. Nothing is constant.” – Daisaku Ikeda

“The only thing that stays the same is change.” – Melissa Etheridge (song is “Change”)

These two thoughts always strike a chord in me.  I am a person that constantly craves change, although I find that I don’t always prepare myself enough to fully value the change and reap the most benefits. Change is hard. We have all said that and heard it. Change can be renewing. Change can come in many forms: sad, exciting, anxious, nervous, unsettling,…but it is always transformative. And it is the one constant in our lives.

We all know we will pass away some day. That is a given. Sorry, you aren’t the immortal you thought you were! I know we have all wished for that at one point in our lives, or thought we were. There are not many other constants we live by, save that every 24 hours a new day begins and the sun and moon orbit the earth. We also know that the seasons will change. Everything else is up for grabs!

When it comes to our daily lives, the change element is much more impactful. We are constantly given opportunities to learn and grow from mistakes. We are always making decisions about how we will live our life that day. Some of us are list makers and planners, others fly by the seat of our pants people. We choose to proceed one way and on one path, but life often derails us. I have certainly seen my share of derailments, as have we all. Some of us more than others. The true test of character and resiliency is what we do with the opportunities that come our way and what change we allow to sink into our moral fiber and existence.

I believe that we create the change we want. I believe that we create the resulting effects on our lives by past actions. I also believe that if we desire something, that our thoughts can manifest that in our lives. We have the choice to create much of our own destiny. Weight Watchers is a great example of this philosophy. During my tenure as a leader, I saw many people come and sit in meetings, talking about the program and their lives on program. Many of these members never hit goal, lifetime, or anywhere close to that on their journey. It always saddened me when I saw members week after week paying their dues but not getting anywhere on the scale. But, I finally realized one day that this was their path and that is where they were supposed to be. Who was I to judge their journey? The goal of WW is to hit Lifetime, lose your weight, maintain it for 6 weeks and then you never pay as long as you are at goal. You only have to weigh in once a month. Pretty cool and a great reward for ones efforts! Many members I saw were lifers, but would never hit lifetime. That was what was so sad. I had to come to the realization that the time wasn’t right for the weight to come off but by them being there, they were learning the tools they needed for when it was right. The change was happening in their minds and heart and beliefs, it just hadn’t come to fruition yet.

This realization hit me in 2009. I was my former members that had saddened me so. I was nearly back to my heaviest weight ever, just shy by 6 pounds. I was miserable. I was eating crap and I felt like crap. I was working at a health food store and gaining weight. What the heck? There were too many “healthy” snacks, a lack of desire to count points or eat core foods, and to step on a scale. I had “taught” weight loss enough that I was tired of WW. But, I also hit my rock bottom. It was Labor Day weekend of last year that I realized just how miserable I was. I was laid up from the foot and leg surgery and house-sitting for my parents while they were on vacation to my favorite place in the world, the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. This is the one place that recharges me for the coming year. I was so sad that I couldn’t put any weight on my leg, that I was in pain, that I couldn’t be where I wanted to be, and that I had let myself get back to where I said I would never be weight-wise. All this time up the scale, I still hung around the WW message boards, I just never talked about my food or diet. I didn’t update my stats. I lied, in essence, to the people I knew there. Bottom line, I felt like crap.

I decided that weekend would be my last that way. While I have no idea what life will be like in the future, I knew that then and there I had to make changes. I stepped on the scale once I was healed and out of the cast, October 1, 2009. 240.5. Ouch! But, it was what it was. I started counting calories on the Daily Plate as I wasn’t ready to go back to WW. I finally realized after losing and gaining (not gaining it all back but teetering enough) that I needed WW again. It works and I know it does. So, 3/10/10 I started. I made a pact with myself that I would be down 30 pounds by 10/10/10, just sounded too good to be true. 7 months was enough time. I started WW about 8 pounds less than my 10/1 weight. I have now hit 16.8 since 3/10. So, I am down 24.7 pounds. I know I can hit 30! My reward, a yoga weekend at Cityoga with Kate Potter, creator of Namaste Yoga which has been a true blessing to me. I won’t attend the whole weekend, but you better believe I will be there for a class or two. And the studio is owned by a WW leader.

The change happens when we are ready for it. Even when we don’t think we are ready, it is happening in us. It may not manifest itself outwardly for some time, but when it does, watch out!!!!!!!! I knew that this time I had to look at my weight loss differently. I didn’t do the things mentally I needed to do in 2004 when I lost the 85 pounds. I wasn’t ready to be a 10 (size that is) and to receive all the attention that brought into my life. I was uncomfortable with that change. So, this time I am approaching this as I should for it to last, a lifestyle change. I am approaching this on many levels. I never exercised before and now I am getting a variety of activities in and loving it. My body even craves it now! Who knew that would happen?

I discovered the roller derby last fall with the help of another WW leader. I have decided that I will be a derby girl and it will be soon. I even attempted tryouts but realized very quickly I must change my body and my activity to be able to handle this rigorous sport. Since I desire this so much, I am taking the steps, at a pace that is comfortable for me, to get there. I want this, and because of this new world that has opened up to me, I am finally seeing the psychic shift I needed to allow my longtime dreams to manifest in my life. Because of this, and my desire to lose my weight slower, I am changing. It is palpable change as well as psychic. I can see the outer rewards and feel the inner physical rewards. I am more energetic and strong. I am smaller in my circumference. But the amazing things that are happening are not seen when I am glanced upon. I am so much happier with who I am. I am loving myself more than I ever have before. I am open to compliments and accepting that they are true. Believe it or not, when people compliment you they really do mean it! It’s the truth. So say thank you and zip your lips!

I recently finished Going in Circles by Pamela Ribon. She is an LA Derby girl that wrote a fictional story of a woman going through a break in her marriage and finding roller derby. While it was a bit cliché, okay very cliché, she discovered that the roller derby was the saving grace in her life. Even though I am not out there skating on a team, YET, I believe this is one hundred percent true in my life. I am learning so much about myself. It is truly helping me to get in the best physical shape I have EVER been in my whole life. And it teaches you that if you work hard enough, whatever you worked to get will come and your life will be the better. Sure, you get beat up and bruised along the way, but the reward is worth it!

Are you happy where you are? If you aren’t, what can you do to be happy? Decide to accept the constancy of change, embrace it and don’t fight it, and work hard enough to get banged up along the way. Transform yourself! No one else will or can! The journey is so worth it!

Derby kisses,

Meg (soon to be Fresh Meat)

1 comment:

MzBecca said...

Meggysue this was a wonderful and enlighting piece. I too am ready for a body change - you have inspired me.